Sexual Abuse Plants Lies in Victims

Of all the horrid ramifications of child abuse and neglect, the beliefs formed by the child about himself or herself reap the greatest destruction. Abuse is the most penetrating and permanent communication possible, and it always conveys to the child one or more of several messages:

1. I caused it to happen.
2. It’s my fault.
3. I do not deserve any better.

This is one of many penetrating views by Dr. Heyward Bruce Ewart, III, author of THE LIES THAT BIND:The Permanence of Child Abuse.

He points out that the most frequent type of maltreating female children by far is sexual abuse. Whether the victim is very young or a teenager, she takes deep within herself all three messages above and develops a loathing that is all-consuming. The girl concludes that there is indeed something horrible and detestable within her that caused the older person to perform such an act upon her. She knows little else but this: She is the one to blame, Ewart says.

A child molested early in life will be repeatedly drawn to the subject of sex, so much so that a seductive quality will seem to exude from the person until, if ever, the puzzle is put together. In addition, the victim will reflect a woundedness that is easily spotted by a predator.

Because child molesters, as well as rapists, are predators, according to Ewart, they have a capacity beyond normal to recognize easy prey. Just as a hawk will circle above until it finds a wounded animal and then suddenly sweep in for the kill, a human predator acts in much the same way. This almost paranormal ability of human predators, combined with the woundedness of the victim, explains why, in so many cases, a child once molested will be molested again, and a woman once raped, will be raped again. Thus the commonly known fact that a raped girl or woman is seven times more likely to be raped again.

When she cannot stand the suffering anymore in an abusive relationship, or when there is intervention by a protective-services agency, she may be able to break the relationship, although the partner will continue to pursue her. But if she does sever the tie, she will then go on to settle for another relationship which is worse than the first. Such is the case because the first confirmed what she thought she knew: that she deserved the treatment she received.

Because domestic violence shelters often provide mainly protection and little effective therapy, their clientele nearly always return to the same man or find a more abusive one. The second relationship further confirms the original message, and therefore leads to still another arrangement with more severe punishment, and on and on.

Group therapy with other victims can lead to becoming a survivor; that is, an empowered adult. The group leader, however, must be experienced in the pervading ramifications of abuse. This field is sadly a rare specialty, Ewart concludes.

More information on the book can be found at http://www.child-to-adult-victim.com.