Life Coach Says You Can Take Control of Your Life

Are you running your life, or is it running you? Do you plan where you want to go in life or do you just “let it happen”? We all like to think we’re in charge of our lives. Tom Caines, life and business coach and co-owner of ClearVision Coaching in New Jersey, believes that there are guiding principles for truly taking control of our lives.

First, Caines says, “Listen to yourself. Identify negative statements and change them to positive ones. A recent client, when asked to define what was important to him in his search for a new job, mentioned that his requirements for a specific salary, job location and time for leisure activities would make finding a new job very difficult. He referred to these parameters as “restrictions” rather than requirements or desires. Using powerful language contributes to our feeling that we’re in control, adds Caines. Statements such as “won’t” instead of “can’t” and “do” instead of “try” put you in the driver’s seat.

Expect plenty. Give up scarcity thinking. Belief in scarcity leads to evaluating your life in terms of what you lack, not what you have. Your life comes to be directed by fear of loss rather than hope of gain. That’s hardly a good motivator.

What does motivate people is having a personal vision that excites them. Coaching helps define your purpose in life. How would you specifically like to contribute your unique talents to the world around you? Caines suggests that people explore activities they love doing (career, travel, writing, art, etc.) without regard to money, fear, obligations or the opinions of others. By doing this, they rise above self-limiting beliefs and have the freedom to go where their passions lead them.

Perhaps you enjoy working with a team inventing new products. Maybe you are an expert at guiding others to increase their happiness or success. You may be a motivating and uplifting manager. You may enjoy helping people overcome challenges in business. What elements would help you create a sense of balance in your work, personal life, and leisure activities?

Caines adds that all of us have personal strengths such as being well-organized, nurturing, natural leaders, understanding, uplifting or pragmatic, which can assist us in taking control of our lives.

Finally, give yourself credit for your strengths and successes. Said Caines, “Everyone has his or her own challenges as well as specific outcomes they want to achieve. As a coach, I am a firm believer that celebrating each milestone fuels your next accomplishment.”